Nostradamus - The Juggalo Seer
Nostradamus was a French apothecary, seer, and juggalo. His predictions are still widely circulated to this day, with many people believing he correctly predicted a variety of world events, both past and future. His best known book, The Prophecies, has remained in circulation almost continuously since his lifetime. Recently however, new writing have been uncovered which have revealed that not only was Nostradamus a juggalo, but his communion with the Dark Carnival was the source of his prophetic power. Using this new knowledge we can interpret his prophecies with heretofore unheard of accuracy.
For instance, in the following quatrains he not only predicts Eminem’s rise to fame and feud with ICP, but espouses on the meaning of being a juggalo.
"There will soon be talk of a treacherous man, who raps a short time,
quickly raised from low to high estate.
He will suddenly turn disloyal and volatile.
This man will rap in Detroit.
What is a juggalo? A dead body.
Well, he ain’t really dead,
But he ain’t like anyone you’ve ever met before,
He’ll eat Monopoly and shit out Connect Four.”
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